Parenting an ADHD child is not for sissies. It is also not impossible, but you have to be aware of and know a lot of things.
In this series, we will cover these issues one at a time.

First issue is know yourself. If you have an ADHD child, the odds are that one of you also has ADHD. ADHD has a
heritability factor of about 80%, which is about the same as height. That means one of you almost certainly has ADHD.

This can be good or bad. You may remember your own issues with ADHD and be able to understand your child’s situation better than a non-ADHD parent.  On the other hand, you may have more problems dealing with your ADHD
child because your temperaments are too similiar or you may have a lot of your own issues about ADHD that negatively impact your ability to deal with your young ADHDer.

Whichever, you need to be aware of what you bring to the interaction with your ADHD child. Objectively look at your interactions and be aware of what happens. Does one of you (parents) always end up in yelling matches with your child?

Does one of you always get overwhelmed by your child and give up?

Understand that with an ADHD child you could have a knockdown drag out screaming match every day if you want to.

And understand, it will do no good as far as changing your child’s behavior. And, you will pay for it when they become teenagers.

Be aware that in dealing with ADHDers, you have to be firm. You have to be consistent. You have to be in control. If you lose control of yourself dealing with your ADHDer, you will surely lose the immediate battle plus you break down the behavioral structure you’re trying to build.

That’s why the first rule in dealing with an ADHD child is to know yourself– know your tendencies, know your strengths and weaknesses. Be brutally honest. Be objective.

Next step–look at your interactions

When I was a boy psychologist first learning about ADHD, I thought meditation, relaxation training and/or hypnosis  should be an effective treatment because it trains the mind to focus.

One of the attempts to define hypnosis even calls it a state of heightened focus. Additionally, my patients were reporting heightened abilities to concentrate after starting one of these programs.

Unfortunately, at that time, there was no scientific research supporting the effectiveness of any of these procedures with ADHD.  Russell Barkley, the well-known researcher, specifically said meditation wsas not effective for ADHD

Well, here we are 20+ years later and we have research support that meditation is effective for reducing ADHD symptoms.

There are several studies available, mostly researching mindfulness meditation. There are even studies utilizing functional MRI to document brain changes–increased thickness and density ( these are good things for your brain indicating increased capacity in the area that’s growing).

Mindfulness meditation is a technique that focuses on increasing awareness of basic sensory information, as in breath mindfully. This technique involves focusing on your breathing and constantly redirecting your attention back to your breathing when it starts to wander.

The technique involves calmly redirecting your attention with the expectation that you will gradually find it easier to stay focused.

There are all sorts of variations on these techniques include the Transcendental Meditation  technique of using a focus word on each exhalation. And most of us have heard of the all-purpose “Om” spoken out loud as an aid to meditation.

Mindfulness meditation has been demonstrated to alter attentional networks, change EEG patterns  and change dopamine (neurotransmitter ) levels.

Practically, meditation is easy to understand, somewhat more difficult to do. Surpisingly, (to me anyway) I have had reasonably good results in my private practice with this technique.

It requires no equipment although some simpler biofeedback equipment, such as the Heartmath  EmWave Personal Stress Reliever may enhance the effect and make compliance easier.

If you decide to use mindfulness meditation you should find a qualified instructor at least initially. It should be someone with specific training in meditation and ADHD such as your basic baby boomer psychologist who was exposed to all the meditation techniques back in the 60s.

Pick somebody with training and credentials. The nice exercise instructor reading a technique out of a book after an exercise class is not a good choice.

Meditation is an  effective technique and needs to be taken seriously. It will be worth it  in the long run.

T–

For more information on ADHD, see Training the ADHD brain–computerized cognitive retraining @ http://terrygingrasphd.com

Training the ADHD brain to better control attentional processes is now possible and it doesn’t require medication. Your child or husband can learn to improve attention, consistency and behavior by exercising his or her brain with computerized cognitive retraining.

CCR has  two major features–1. it involves training based on neuroplasticity and 2. it is  not medication-based.

Neuroplasticity is the exciting discovery that the brain is malleable. It changes in response to the demands we make of it. Like doing biceps curls makes your arm muscles bigger, doing attention exercises makes the part of your brain responsible for attention bigger. This allows  you to better control your attention.

CCR involves doing different mental exercises, sort of brain calisthenics to improve certain cognitive (thinking)  functions. These techniques have been available for at least 25 years and have been consistently improved. They are effective, safe and have no side effects. You can improve attention, working memory, auditory processing, speed of processing, almost any cognitive process.

You should see noticeable results within 20-30 sessions. Most treatment protocols are for 30 sessions. Its kind of like playing video games, but you can tell its designed for more than just fun.

Both children and adults can be treated effectively. I just finished treating a 26-year-old woman who received 30 sessions of treatment–2 per week — and had significant improvement in auditory and visual attention and working memory. She decided to have treatment because she wanted to have children and didn’t want to be pregnant and on medication.

We have also seen significant results with children as young as six.

Its important to understand that CCR will improve cognitive efficiency regardless of medication. Some parents want to avoid or minimize medication use and CCR will be helpful for that.  Some parents want to improve cognitive performance–think school–while keeping their child on medication. CCR will be effective in this situation as well.

I don’t want to oversell, but I have been impressed with the results we’ve achieved in my clinic and I have colleagues who have gotten similar results.

As a parent of an ADHD child or as an adult with ADHD, check out computerized cognitive retraining. It changes your brain for a lifetime and can improve your life.

T–

For more information on the ADHD brain and treatment see Training the ADHD brain @http://terrygingrasphd.com

In the years since I was a boy psychologist,we have discovered that it is possible to train people’s brains to improve attention,memory, working memory and almost every other cognitive function. More recently we’ve discovered that it also works for ADHD!

Different training techniques improve different brain functions without medication. In some cases medication is discontinued, in other cases it is considered a supplemental treatment.

There are three of techniques so far to train brains–computerized cognitive retraining (CCR),neurofeedback and meditation training. They each have a different focus and each has a base of research indicating that they are effective.

CCR-computerized cognitive retraining- is a set of brain exercises that are kind of like video games but are designed to stress the brain and increase performance. They are mental calisthenics and like weight training for your muscles, they actually increase the size and density of specific brain areas. This increases your  brain’s ability to pay attention, control impulses and function in high stimulus environments (like classrooms).

Neurofeedback or EEG biofeedback is designed to help individuals change their brainwaves. There are four different wavelengths generated by the brain. One of these, Beta, is associated  with concentration. Another, Theta is associated with disorganized thinking. ADDers are thought to generate an excess of Theta and to undergenerate Beta. Most neurofeedback treatment protocols try to reverse this and increase Beta while decreasing Theta.

This can be accomplished with regular training at a treatment center specializing in neurofeedback. Treatment protocols usually involve 20-30 sessions. Changes/ improvements are thought to be permanent and there is research supporting effectiveness.

The last brain training technique is meditation training. This is a very loosely defined area that covers mindfulness meditation, biofeedback and different types of relaxation. There is research supporting effectiveness. This approach is the most direct–if someone can’t pay attention, why not train them directly to pay attention? Only recently has there been research supporting this approach.

These are the three methods of training the ADHD brain. They all have their utility depending on individual situations. I have used all three methods for years and am impressed with the results achieved. They are all medication free and/or may effect the amount of medication required. They produce permanent changes.

In upcoming posts, I will cover each procedure in more detail. Hopefully making your decisions easier.

T–

As parents of attention-deficit-disorder (ADD) and/or learning-disabled (LD) children, we are so busy dealing with daily crises that we sometimes lose sight of what we’re trying to accomplish with our offspring. With all the hassles of getting up, getting off to school, getting books and homework assignments home and then getting them done, dealing temper tantrums and meltdowns, it sometimes seems that simple survival is the ultimate goal.

We lose sight of the fact that someday our child will be an adult. We’re so busy trying to make it through the day that we stop thinking about what kind of person we want them to be, what values we want them to have. We’re so drained that we don’t have the energy to think about the future. We tend to spend our time dealing with the present hassles, dealing with our children tactically, that is, trying to win each battle and not looking at the long-term goal.

As parents of ADD and LD children, we need to think strategically, to think about what kind of adults we are training on a day-to-day basis.

In my practice, I call this strategic parenting. By this term, I mean never doing anything on a day-to-day basis with your child without considering the ultimate outcome of parenting, the strategic outcome of parenting—namely, what kind of adult your child becomes. There are many theories of child-rearing, but most focus on short term obedience issues. They are, in a word, tactical. This is not a problem with most children. All people have a powerful drive to self-actualize and most children eventually realize that they are better off getting good grades in school and getting along with their parents.

However, this is not always the case with ADD/LD children. As many of us know and have experienced, these children have a highly developed ability to resist at extraordinary volume for extraordinary lengths of time. Therefore, parents have to resist the temptation to respond tactically and try to win the battle. They have to get outside of the emotional battle and think about the strategic goal: what value or personal characteristics are we trying to teach?

Think about what kind of adult you want your child to become. What kind of values do you want him/her to have? What beliefs? What personal characteristics?

Presumably, you want a person who is more than just obedient. Probably, you want a person who is enthusiastic, creative and feels good about her/himself. You want a person who is confident enough to make the most of his/her talents and abilities. There is more to life than just being compliant in school. There is more to life than just a clean room. As parents we have to hold the larger picture and work to teach our children.

At a conference in Washington, D.C. in 2000, one of the presenters (name is lost in the mists of time) reported on the characteristics of ADD and LD adults who were termed successful. These characteristics for successful adjustment to the adult world are a starting point as the goals of strategic parenting. These characteristics had nothing to do with how much education they had, how severe their disabilities were, how high their IQ was or how rich their parents were. The assets of successful ADD and LD adults are all psychological characteristics that have to do with making the most of your abilities.

These characteristics are:
1. Self-Awareness
2. Perseverance
3. Being Proactive
4. Having Emotional Stability
5. Being Able to Set Goals
6. Being able to appropriately use Support Systems

In other words, these successful people acknowledged and understood their disabilities, recognized when they would get in the way, used appropriate compensatory strategies to minimize the impact. Had learned to be good planners and set goals. Were persistent in getting to these goals and didn’t let emotion get in the way.

These characteristics are all learned. They can all be taught.

As parents of ADD/LD children we must think strategically about our children. We must learn to teach the characteristics that lead to successful adulthood. We must remember that psychological strength is the most important goal of parenting. Additionally, one of the side benefits of strategic parenting is that we can enjoy our children more because we have to appreciate and encourage their talents, their abilities and their uniqueness.

Good luck and never give up,
Terry

Studies on children with ADD/LD who have grown into successful adults list a variety of characteristics and skills that are essential. They boil down to three essentials

1. Positive self-esteem
2. Effective support systems
3. Skills to set goals and cope with emotions.

In this post, let’s focus on the first element, positive self esteem.

Positive self-esteem –

Positive self-esteem involves self-awareness and self acceptance including one’s ADD/LD. This involves appreciating and being aware of one’s strengths and weaknesses and being accepting of both. It involves having the belief that one is capable and can solve and handle whatever problems come our way.

As a result of this basic belief, one also is persistent. One does not give up, one keeps trying.

A positive self-image can be trained. It requires a positive environment with lots of encouragement. It also requires the chance to succeed or fail and the encouragement to recover from mistakes

Effective support systems –

Effective support systems refers to the people in our lives who encourage us when we are down. It also involves people who help us compensate for our weaknesses or disabilities. This is the classic disorganized ADHD husband with an organized wife or the disorganized ADHD businessman with an organized secretary. Having these systems in place and knowing when to utilize them are important aspects of becoming a successful adult.

Skills to set goals and cope with emotions –

Children with ADD/LD need to learn how to set goals. That tendency for an ADD/LD child is to be overwhelmed by tasks. Whether it is a school term paper or cleaning the garage, they tend to have difficulties with setting appropriate goals, breaking these down on the subgoals and accomplishing the little bit at a time they need to feel successful.

They tend to look at it all as one big undifferentiated task and get overwhelmed. It’s vitally important that they are trained in breaking big projects down into little tasks. It’s also important that they learn to take credit for accomplishing little tasks. ADD/LD kids tend to be negative about themselves and their abilities. That is one of the reasons they tend to give up too easily. It takes conscious training to overcome this.

Coping with emotions involves the basics of stress management. One has to be aware of one’s responses to stress, be able to monitor them and have appropriate coping strategies. ADD/LD kids tend to not be aware of their emotions and tend to not have appropriate ways to cope with these emotions. Therefore, they tend to ping off the walls and then explode usually in anger. Awareness of emotions can be trained in. With young children, it initially involves the parent recognizing and identifying the child’s emotion. The parent also models acceptance and indicates appropriate coping strategies.

These are the basics of the three main goals for the parent of an ADD/LD child. Helping your child develop a positive self-image, both helping him develop and being part of his support system and coaching in the skills of goal setting and coping with stress and frustration. Keeping these in mind at all times will keep you an effective parent who will raise a successful adult.

In the years since my son was diagnosed with attention deficit disorder and I started specializing in diagnosing and treating both attention deficit disorder and learning disability, I have tried to find the principles and techniques that work.

Since I have limited frustration tolerance, I like things to be simple and direct.  I like value for money and I don’t like to waste any words.  I also think that focused planning with specific goals leads to the greatest chance of success.

Focused planning with specific goals is vitally important in dealing with ADD/LD kids.  They can be so disorganized that it’s catching.  It’s very easy to get tangled up in details and forget what your original purpose was.  Therefore, it’s important to know where you’re trying to go with this child.

It’s also important to remember that the goal is not to have the cleanest room on the block.  I’m continually amazed the parents spend so much time and energy on their child’s bedroom.  The goal is not now nor will it ever be having a clean bedroom.  The goal is having your child grow into an adult who can function effectively in the real world.

For you as parents to encourage this growth, you have to have the right goals.  Presumably, you want your child to be a successful adult.  For this to occur, you have to train in the skills needed to be successful.